“What are you? Get ready early. We are already late. How come your mother brought you up like this?” yes my loving mom is shouting at my dad who is reading yesterday’s newspaper.
“I know what I am doing, and you would not have spoiled the saambhar if you didn’t talk to your brother over the phone for an hour” that’s my dad’s reply to my mom who spoiled the dish and cookware both because of the phone call…
I woke up from sleep slowly and reluctantly due to their loud voices. As I reached the living room, all my dead ancestor’s parenting and lifestyle are under critical analysis. Yes, the argument heated up in complaining to each other’s parents and grandparents.
It’s hard for me to keep my mouth shut for a longer time. I offered my view. As I am a daughter, I took my dad’s side and tried convincing my mom that added fuel to the fire. Situation worsens. They are nasty to each other. I am helpless, tears are rolling down my eyes.
I shouted at them for spoiling my day and left home.
The Greek philosopher famously said, “Anybody can become angry that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”
That’s right. I did my part!!
The best answer to anger is silence. My mind wanders as I walk aimlessly.
One question bothered my mind. Why can’t they get along?
I didn’t see them often fight when I was a kid. My mind gave me several reasoning. They are.
Family Structure
Three families, we lived with our grandparents in a single house. 8 Adults and 8 Kids. When any of our Parents got mad other spouses kept quiet for the respect of our grandparents or love towards kids. Now the situation is only two of them living in the house. They don’t have restrictions in expressing each other feelings.
Social Structure
Men were the earning member and head of the family. When the earning stops they felt useless and lazy. Even a slight disrespect word from our mom hurts dads badly. They feel inferior and worthless. As females are more sensitive to males, moms felt sadder without kids around.
Separation
We kids are living away from our parents. Most of our Parents lost their spouse, parents, siblings and friends when they are alone and not busy the feelings of loss and pain of memories conflicting their minds. Those who are alive may not live nearby, and they moved to new cities or busy with their families.
Physicality
We all will sulk for a simple fever. But when we grow old, even unnamed disease and physical inability haunt us to the core. Parents started worrying that they should not be a burden for kids. Studies show chronic illnesses, like diabetes, arthritis, and heart disease can have a strong negative effect on mood.
The world shrinks as you get older.
Financial Pressure
Financial pressure to run the day to day life and medical and other expenses without any income is very alarming. Educated or Financially sound parents can occupy themselves by vacations, volunteering and visiting loved ones. The real challenge is for the other category. They are struggling for everyday living. They are not able to cope up with psychological and physical struggles.
Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines.
The question for us is whether and when to intervene? Do you ignore, mediate or endure your parents’ fights? And will you end up this way too?
Love your parents. We are so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old.
We have spouse, kids, neighbor, colleagues and friends, a lot of people around to show our emotions and anger. The elderly, on the other hand, don’t have a variety of people to vent out. They only have each other. Most of them already lost their better-halves.
They don’t have
Deadlines or work pressures
Kid’s school meets
Events to attend
Holiday shopping and preparation – to stimulate them and keep their minds engaged
Maybe this is why they bicker – because it gives them something to do, something to keep their minds occupied
We are the generations between Traditionalists and Gen Z. Being a bridge between two is the greatest challenge. So
Visit – We occupied our world entirely with our kids. Our Parents are grown-up kids, who love our kids more than us. They ultimately lost all the worries when they are with their grandkids. The tears they shed for grandkid’s expression, talks and performances are priceless. Create more chances for the lovely bonding between grandparents and kids.
Ask their advice – Parents always want to be the part of a kid’s life, how old we are doesn’t matter. They offer help and support. We learnt great life lessons from our Parents, so ask for more.
Accept their anger – We will get insane when we think about facing all the problems listed above in one shot. That’s what our parents are facing, so accept their anger.
Give Autonomy – offer them options instead of orders. They should have the feeling that they are running their lives. Let them decide everything about their care and situation.
Engage – Try to engage them by introducing them to their interests and hobbies. Advice them to travel more and meet their loved ones
Give Control – Our Parents took care of and control over life until we are on our own. Immediate retrieval from those responsibilities left them aloof. Give them control over a few things in helping with your finances, organizing a function, arranging a trip, etc.
Appreciate & Advice – We kids are the best marriage counselors and coaches. We know our Parents than anyone else. Our Parents offered us the best knowledge, so use them in identifying ways to help them. Appreciate and be grateful for what they have done. Explain to them the physical and psychological challenges of aging.
Sometimes problems don’t require a solution to solve them; instead, they require maturity to outgrow them.
Sometimes an aimless walk on the street lead you to the destination which you deserve.
Once I reached home, my mother-in-law smiling at me by feeding my son. My dad offered me today’s paper as I sat down near him with my mom handing over me a hot cup of coffee. 🙂
What more I can ask for…
A Perfect Vacation!!!!!!!!
asktoachieve.com 